Facebook, Twitter, and New Year’s Resolutions

Do your new year’s resolutions involve changes to your personal relationships?  Perhaps you’re considering a trial separation from your spouse or partner.  Or you’ve decided it’s time to move forward with a divorce.  Maybe, after a bitter and tense period, you’ve resolved to stop fighting with your ex and try to get along better for the sake of your children.  If you have these intentions, a family law attorney can provide wise counsel as you move through this time.

One thing you ought to consider is your use of social media.  Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with friends, loved ones, and acquaintances, but things you post on this site can also come back to haunt you.  If you put negative comments about your spouse, partner, or ex on your wall, they could be used against you in court in an effort to show that you’re unable to have a positive relationship with the other parent, which could impact your children.  If you’ve moved on romantically, posting comments or photos can lead to adultery charges.  Or it could inflame the emotions of your ex, who in turn does things to make your life more difficult.  Keep in mind that just because you’ve moved on doesn’t necessarily mean the other party is ready to accept that you have a new love interest.

What about the other side of the equation?  Is there anything wrong with using social media to keep tabs on your spouse or ex?  Possibly, yes.  If you’re constantly checking for Facebook or Twitter updates posted by your spouse, you may be preventing yourself from gaining the emotional distance required to heal or allow you to deal objectively with the legal aspects of your relationship.  In order to move forward this year, perhaps the most helpful thing you can do is shut down your Facebook page.  If that’s too drastic or would just increase any sense of isolation or loss you’re feeling, talk to your lawyer about appropriate posts or other positive ways to use this and other sites.

There are many, many details to consider whenever you want to make changes in your life.  If those changes involve family relationships, this blog is a resource you can use to help you keep those resolutions.  January’s posts on this site will be dedicated to steps you can take to improve your life and the lives of your children in 2012.  Feel free to discuss these ideas with us or your own attorney to see if they can help you with your family relationships this year and beyond.

New Year, New Life?

So many of us are going through major life changes right now.  Maybe it’s your new year’s resolutions.  Maybe it’s upheaval in your family due to separation or divorce.  If the change involves your family and you (or your child or spouse) live in Virginia, this blog is your resource.

Having gone through a major life change myself at the end of 2011 (new baby!), I certainly appreciate your patience during the break I took from blogging.  Right after the new year, I’ll have the site up and running again — in the mean time, if you have ideas about what you’d like to see in 2012, please let me know!

 

Virginia Divorce and Custody Blog — Help us win this contest!

Here at All About Virginia Family Law we strive to provide legal content you can’t live without.  Okay, maybe you can live without it, but we’re certainly trying to make life easier for you by writing what we do.  Whether you’re in the midst of a divorce, contemplating a separation, dealing with a custody matter, or a lawyer who deals with all (or none) of the above, we aim to serve you.

So, if you like our blog, won’t you help us win the ABA’s annual contest for the best legal blogs?  The nomination form (Blawg Amici) is here:  http://www.abajournal.com/blawgs/blawg100_submit/

Deadline is September 9th.  Thanks in advance!

And by the way, we’d love to hear from you if you have suggestions for posts or matters you’d like to see addressed.  You can leave a comment or contact us at www.aounstanford.com

Addressing Mental Health in Virginia Divorce and Custody Cases

Item #7 on our list of things to do in 2011 is to take care of your mental health issues.

I mentioned this briefly in my last post.  But this item on our list is so important that it deserves its own post.

Virginia courts are required to consider the mental health of both parents whenever they have to make decisions about custody or visitation issues.  Many people are afraid that if they seek treatment for a mental health issue (or a perceived mental health issue), they will not be allowed to have custody of their children.

But mental health issues are in many respects treated similarly to physical health issues, which courts are also required to consider in Virginia.  In other words, a diabetic is expected to eat carefully, seek medical attention, and take medications prescribed by a doctor to manage his or her illness.

Similarly, a woman diagnosed with bipolar disorder is expected to seek treatment from a mental health professional and take the medications prescribed by her psychiatrist.

Failure to attend to physical or mental health issues sends the wrong signal to a court.  Courts look to adults to behave responsibly and make improvements in their lives.  If not, the court often draws the conclusion that the adults are not capable of caring properly for their children.  Since the court needs to determine which parent has the greater capacity to assess and meet the needs of the child — including physical and emotional needs — it’s important to be able to show your own ability to recognize such issues in your life as well.

Failure to address or even acknowledge mental health issues is a weakness in your custody or visitation case.

Do you have questions about how your mental health could affect your divorce or custody case?  Are you concerned about confidentiality? Feel free to contact us via email or by phone at (703) 273-2670.

Don’t be a stalker!

Item #6 on our list of things to do in 2011 is to stop stalking or any type of behavior that appears obsessive-compulsive.

Don’t call, text, or email more than a reasonable number of times in any day or week.  If you have questions about what’s reasonable, ask a family law attorney who regularly handles cases involving protective orders, custody, and divorces.

Virginia is moving closer toward penalizing people who engage in stalking behaviors, and offering greater protection to their victims.  If you have good intentions but your behavior is close to the edge of what the law considers stalking, you could find yourself being dealt with quite harshly by the legal system.  You could also find yourself barred from seeing or talking to your children as often as you would like.

In a previous post, I suggested keep a log of visitation or phone calls to help track behavior or patterns for use in court hearing.  Sometimes people go overboard in their attempts to document behavior, so it’s important to consult with an experienced family law attorney about the type of log to keep or introduce in court.  It’s easy for a court to get a false impression of your intentions when making a decision after limited exposure to your family law case.

Make sure any messages you do leave are cordial.  Don’t make threats or say anything that could be misconstrued by someone else — a judge, magistrate, or police officer — as a threat.

If you have a mental health issue that makes it difficult for you to regulate how often you call, text, or email, it’s wise to address the issue with a mental health therapist.  Courts expect adults to take care of their health issues and deal with them appropriately.

Do you have questions about your attempts to communicate with your spouse, children, or the children’s other parent?  Feel free to contact us via email or by phone at (703) 273-2670.

Don’t procrastinate!

Item #5 on our list of things to do in 2011 is don’t procrastinate!

Specifically, don’t procrastinate when it comes to asking for child support or spousal support.  It’s heartbreaking to tell clients that their decision to delay filing for child support or spousal support has cost them thousands of dollars they will never recover.

Why?

In Virginia, the court cannot award support retroactively except in very narrow circumstances.  To get court-ordered spousal or child support, an individual needs to file a petition for support, and then arrange to have the petition served on the other party (a spouse or the child’s other parent).

At the court hearing, a judge does have the authority to award support retroactive to the date the petition was served (delivered in a specific way) on the other party.

A delay in filing means a delay in support.  If a mother decides to sue for child support after a year of separation, she has forfeited an entire year’s worth of support for her child with no chance of recovering it except if the father agrees.

Do you have questions about how to get child support or spousal support from the court?  Or would you like to discuss getting support by an agreement instead of using the court system?  Feel free to contact us via email or by phone at (703) 273-2670.

Use common sense when it comes to paperwork

Item #4 on our list of things to do in 2011 is to use common sense when it comes to paperwork.

Even the most thorough person can get lost in all of life’s paperwork.  But keeping track of important legal paperwork is essential to preparing for a divorce or other type of family law matter in Virginia.

Keep a binder or other clear record of financial and legal papers.  Some examples include:

• closing documents for the sale or purchase of a home
• documents related to refinancing a home
• letters or cards showing gifts (especially of valuable personal property or real estate)
• inheritance paperwork
• retirement earnings statements
• receipts for support paid
• court orders

Finally, make sure you carefully read any document before you sign it.  And if you have questions, ask!  If you’re not sure how a document affects you or your children, ask for time to review the paperwork first, and contact an attorney to discuss the papers with you.

Once you’ve signed something, it’s often too late to change your mind.  Don’t let a lapse in common sense deprive you or your children of any money, rights, or entitlements without a clear understanding of what you’re doing.

Do you have questions about any of your legal or financial paperwork?  Feel free to contact us via email or by phone at (703) 273-2670.